A Midwesterner experiences an SEC game

Lexington, Kentucky, Sept. 28 — I’m on my way to my first Southeastern Conference game, and I’m feeling a little underdressed.

As a born and bred Midwesterner, the entire concept of dressing up for a football game is utterly alien. But here I am, caught up with a good chunk of Kentucky’s student body, walking toward Commonwealth Stadium, and I see relatively few people of either sex wearing jeans.

The women are in sundresses of varying styles but all in a uniform shade of Kentucky blue, often accompanied by tall brown boots. The men, by and large, are a very fratty bunch, in long-sleeved shirts and ties or polo shirts with khaki shorts/pants and, often, sandals or boat shoes — a wardrobe combination that would get triple takes in both the Big Ten and Big 12.

It’s college football, Jim, but not as we know it.

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The student tailgate crowd is very color-coordinated. Note all the men in the background wearing polos.

Kentucky is opening 2013 SEC conference play against #20 Florida. Kentucky has not beaten Florida since 1986, but you wouldn’t know that by the atmosphere. There are some impressive tailgating spreads, including a couple serving “gator meat” (literally or figuratively, I do not inquire). A “family area” near the stadium has plenty of kids’ activities and multiple TVs showing the Georgia-LSU game.

On the opposite side of the stadium, fans are gathering on stone terraces, apparently expecting something. I’m told the band comes out and plays beforehand. I stick around to listen.

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The Kentucky marching band and cheerleaders perform outside Commonwealth Stadium.

I picked this game partially with the expectation it would be comparatively cheap to attend, and to that end, did not look for a ticket online. But an hour before kickoff, it’s neither a buyers’ market nor a sellers’ market. There’s no market. I saw one offer to sell, but instead got a ticket in the north end zone for retail price. It’s the second-most expensive football ticket I’ve ever bought.

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These…exist.

The seat is directly opposite the setting sun. Fortunately, the sun dips below the bleachers literally minutes before kickoff. The game programs are free, and small. The souvenir drink is $5, and medium, and isn’t served with a lid.

Florida is without its starting quarterback, but it doesn’t matter. The Gators move the ball easily and score halfway through the first quarter on their first drive. It seems the biggest highlight of the game may be fans discovering that former Kentucky (and Minnesota, now Texas Tech) basketball coach Tubby Smith is in attendance, just a few rows behind me. Then late in the quarter Kentucky fakes a field goal for a touchdown, energizing the audience. It will be the Wildcats’ only score of the game. The Gators score two more touchdowns in the next quarter and the game isn’t over, but it’s over.

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Florida’s Matt Jones scores in the first quarter against Kentucky, Sept. 29, 2013.

During halftime I walk around the concourse. It’s possible to wait in line for concessions and still sort of see the field. Most striking, though, is the tacit detente that appears to have been struck between the plethora of “No Smoking” stencils/signs and the (significant amount of) smokers using the ramps. It’s another sign that this is the South.

It was a perfect night for a football game. It just wasn’t the night for Kentucky football. Most of them aren’t. A fourth-quarter field goal by Florida cues some in the crowd to trickle out. Kentucky mounts a 6-minute, 35-second drive that turns from 1st and 10 on the Florida 20 to 4th and 28 and a turnover on downs. The sundress- and tie-clad student section is vacated nearly instantly, along with a good percentage of the rest of the stadium. The Florida contingent in a corner goes strong until the end. Final score, Florida 24, Kentucky 7.

Getting out is a relatively simple affair, but not without some waiting. Callers on WHO-AM sound upbeat, letting me know that Iowa beat Minnesota earlier.

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Commonwealth Stadium, late in the game. Flags with SEC teams’ names fly from the top.

It’s not going to be Kentucky’s season. It turns out it’s not going to be Florida’s either, as the Gators lose to Missouri and then Vanderbilt(!!) and then lose for the first time ever to a I-AA team to go bowl-less for the first time in my adult life.

It’s no secret that I’m in favor of Iowa State trying to schedule BCS teams like Kentucky, although a nine-game conference schedule makes that nigh impossible. It is likely the only way we’d be able to get back for this and this. It would give ISU some exposure in SEC country, and I think both sides would enjoy their respective tailgate experiences.

But at least the male ISU fans would tuck in their shirts.

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