What song, or at least song title, best describes Texas football, or Texas athletics in general? The obvious answers — “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” or “Take the Money and Run” — got used plenty in June. That was when Texas and Oklahoma decided it would be better to serve in football heaven than reign in hell and set off a chain of events that now has Conference USA looking at adding Liberty. But for a surprisingly full list that works, I’m turning to pop-country singer Kelsea Ballerini, who IMO is very underrated, probably because she is a woman in country music. (“homecoming queen?” is softly powerful, especially with the video, but enough with the lowercasing.)
In no particular order, here’s how Ballerini plays on the field:
“xo”
You’re still in love with your ex, oh / And I ain’t one to be nobody’s second best, no / Stop holding onto me when the truth is you can’t let go
(They can’t let go of A&M, and yes it will anger everyone to say that.)
“Peter Pan”
Always gonna fly away, just because you know you can / Never gonna learn there’s no such place as a Neverland
“Sirens”
The warning lights were flashing like lightning / I should’ve listened to the, I should’ve listened to the sirens
(I will never say the Traitorous Four did the right thing.)
“Get Over Yourself”
I’m over you and everything that we used to do together / My Saturday nights are brighter, I’ve never felt better / I didn’t miss a beat when I heard you were seeing somebody else … So get over yourself
(OK, so I’m not going to be over it any time soon. But this song has an amazing chorus.)
“High School”
He’s still showing up twenty late, finding hearts and rules to break / Why would he wanna change when every memory still bows to him?
(For when Texas fans, instead watching yet another loss to Georgia, or Mississippi State, or hopefully Vanderbilt, watch a replay of the 2005-06 national championship game. Again.)
“love and hate”
We used to be so happy, didn’t we / We used to say that forever’d be easy / But the day that you lied, I felt it all change / I crossed that thin, thin line between love and hate
(As sung by Bob Bowlsby at the karaoke bar.)
Finally, in honor of one ISU fan on Twitter, “having a hysterectomy” shall now be known as “unsubscribing to the Longhorn Network.”
Last-minute non-Ballerini emergency add: “Hey Hey We’re The Monkees” (if you know, you know)