In which my podcast machine gets a worse interface

Apple: Welcome to iOS 16! With “all-new personalization features“! “It’s easy to customize the font, color, or placement of elements on your Lock Screen by tapping the element.”

Me: What the [expletive deleted] did you do to the clock font? What did you do to the notifications and who thought this was a good idea? Why are you still hiding notifications in Do Not Disturb time? Why doesn’t Siri cheerfully greet me like a Star Trek computer anymore? Why is Location Services always on? Why is my battery life disappearing faster than an Iowa State lead in the third quarter? Did you notice the location of the podcast player on the lock screen changes based on number of notifications, or if I have a timer going? Why is the podcast view on the lock screen either giant or microscopic (without corresponding changes in button size)? Please for the love of Jobs just tell me how I can put things back the way they were!

Apple: No.

Siri: [sad boop]

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Seriously, do NOT upgrade to iOS 16. It is awful and I immediately regretted the decision in half a dozen different ways.

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