“Congratulations on your upcoming retirement! You have successfully elected to begin your retirement on April 1, 2015.”
Of course, I’m not retiring at all. That’s the first paragraph in a packet to release and roll over my paltry pension from Gannett — which has been frozen for more than half the time I worked at the Register.
(HAHAHA I’m an early millennial I’m never going to be able to retire and now I made myself sad.)